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Fear of Commitment
4/17/2008 11:02 pm Last Read: |
So I had a great time with my friends last night and at some point, the date I had a while ago was brought up during the conversation. I went out with a girl who's a friend of my friend's and on our second date, she started talking about marriage which freaked me out. And I didn't ask her out again which upset my friend and she told me I have a fear of commitment to which I responded by saying both of them are nuts. lol I've talked to a few females about this and most of them think I do have a fear of commitment. Do I? Really?  I do love my freedom as a single man but don't really think I have a fear of commitment as I don't mind having a monogamous relationship. I'm not against open relationships either and think they have their own pros and cons but having someone who cares for me and I can care for is very nice. But I don't want to pursue a relationship based on marriage when I don't even know if I want to commit myself to one person for the rest of my life. There are many people who are still single, afraid of commitment, yet are very lonely. They resist commitment because of their fears. These fears come from different places, from actual experiences with the opposite sex or from ingrained fears early in life. But none of these apply to me!!! I do, however, have quite a negative view on the institution of marriage which I developed later in my life due to the fact that many of my friends are divorced which drained them a lot emotionally and financially. Hmm...maybe I'm afraid of commitment. I don't know what it is but I'll just keep enjoying my life the way it is and go with the flow for now. 
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4/18/2008 2:08 am |
Hey Sean, As you know, the fear of commitment and deciding that the institution of marriage is not for you are not necessarily the same thing. The girl who began talking about marriage on the second date probably wants to get married and that's ok too... just that she may have assumed that's what you wanted too. I'd simply let her know how you feel about the institution of marriage and that you are not against monogamous relationship. As you say, there are many singles, but not all are afraid of commitment. The fear of commitment may not be the reason why they chose to be single. Like you, they may have decided that the institution of marriage is unrealistic and has high potential for detrimental outcomes.
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4/18/2008 8:03 am |
Marriage is a piece of paper? You have that wrong. marriage is a worldwide tradition of a couple openly declaring to their community that they are now a couple and will do things together from now on as if each are on had from the same body. When you decide you want to have children with someone will you not want to provide these children with a safe and stable family environment for the rest of their lives? Even children in their 30's and 40's can be ripped apart by their parents' divorce because the parent-child relationship never ends - it only changes. The parents are the base and the rock upon which the child builds their life. If the child mucks up, even in their 40's, they will often go home to their parents and start over again. So, the parents being the bedrock for their childrens lives, the marriage forms the glue of that bedrock. It signals to the children that their parents have made an open declaration to all of their peers and everyone they meet that they are in fact a couple. People enter into marriage voluntarily in the west because it bestows onto the recipients and their family and friends the knowledge that those two people will share their lives together. So if you don't want marriage then you wither haven't found someone you love enough to want children or you just hate or are afraid of commitment.
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4/18/2008 8:04 am |
Sean, You know my opinion on this subject!!! Christine
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4/25/2008 9:10 am |
sean, would u like me to introduce u to a very nice gal? with a beautiful ass? U butt man, u? perhaps then, u might change ur mind about the whole thing... anyways, let me know. I got just the right person 4 u. kimberly
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