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Joke 4
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Mar 29, 2005 6:29 pm
1973 Views
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Alright you need to speak loud to hear yourself speak..let me know it this joke (THUMBS UP OR THUMBS DOWN) this is how we Hawaiian speak BROKEN ENGLISH..Your first pidgin language..
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U KNOW U ONE LOCAL IF...
You buy planny toilet paper in case get one longshoreman strike.
You don't understand why anyone would buy less than one 20 lb bag of rice.
You would serve spam as a meat for dinner.
You can taste the difference between teriyaki and kal-bi.
You know what "stink eye" is, and you bettah believe you know how for geev em
You can correctly pronouce Kalanianaole, Kalakaua and Aiea.
You know what is in the big breakfast at MacDonald's.
You know what "huli huli chicken" is.
You can name 3 kine mango
You have at least one family member whose name is
"_____ boy" or "tita"
You have said "wat, owe you money?","karang your alas", or "dakine"
You know the difference between being hapa and being hapai.
You give directions using mauka and makai.
You know what is "hawaii pono'i";
You know what it takes to get into Kamehameha school,
(an Aunty name Lokelani!).
You can correctly pronounce "Likelike."
Someone says the word "UKU" and your head starts itching.
You raise your chin to say "wassup" instead of nodding.
When making "Shaka", the back of your hand is facing out.
You say, "Nori" not seaweed paper.
You say "Brah" not "Bro"
Your jokes are about Potagee not Portugese.
You laugh at couples with corny kine Aloha wear.
You get one pair of "tata" slippers.
You e-mail people in pidgin.
It's 70 degrees and you stay freezing.
You use "tako" or hotdogs and old bread instead of
worms or fluorescent pink fish eggs for bait.
You got lickins' wit "da rubbah slippah" or "da rice paddle".
You can walk through Waianae and not get mugged,
well, sometimes at least.
You know that one "Kukui nut" is not some mental person.
You call it "Saimin" not "Top Ramen", you know Sapporo Ichiban mo bettah.
The surf report is on your speed dial.
Dressing up means shorts and an aloha shirt and
da black slippah instead of da rainbow one!
You say "shave ice", not snow cone or shaved ice.
Rainbow Drive-Inn is a special date.
You go Kam, not Aloha swap meet.
You know pineapples don't grow in trees.
You know what Li Hing Mui is and you put it on everyting.
You ask for Shoyu and not Soy Sauce.
You call public transportation "da BUS."
The Governor is your cousin's cousin.
You know what the H3 is but you scared drive cause you tink it stay haunted.
You search your car for pork before you go over da Pali.
You always know what "da kine" means.
Mainland people no understand when you talk.
You eat spam musubi on regular occasions.
You nevah wear shoes in the house.
You can wear slippers to almost anywhere.
You eat mango with shoyu, vinegar, and pepper.
You can be wearing boros and nobody tink nothin.
You never feel shame being the only one buying
Spam in CostCo on the Mainland.
You get one built-in space between your big-toe and dakine.
You like ume, daikon, and kim chee better than pickles.
On the mainland, you wondah
"How come nobody get "Plate Lunch ovah heah?".
When you go bathroom, you say "I going shi shi".
You give directions by saying things like,
"oh yeah by where the STADIUM used to be....
You go Kalihi Bowl fo eat"OX TAIL SOUP".
You think BAYWATCH HAWAII is stupit, cause they no know how fo ack and Hasslehoff sounds supa lolo tryin fo say
"Eh, howzit,brah!" (actually, you jus jealous u not in da show!!)
The local Korean bars serve you a glass of ice
and large platter of pupu's with your beer.
Eating healthy means Spam Lite.
You never understood why adding pineapple and ham to one pizza
made it Hawaiian to the rest of the world.
When you say "Book" and a filipino gets all piss off.
If u know how fo say ukulele right.
When all ur meals are wit rice, even if you eating spaghetti.
The fool-proof name for every woman you meet is "Aunty", if you can't remember their real name. The same goes for older males and "uncle."
You know dat rice iz mo'bettah den mash potatoes.
You still call dem RAINBOWZ not Warriorz.
You know how fo skank and you know when I say it I ain't using da haole slang.
When you make rice, you use da line on your fingah fo measure da water.
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What did I DO?
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Mar 28, 2005 10:35 am
1846 Views
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I was checking out my KFF mail box and got a email from a newbie and this is what he wrote to me (dont send anything to me..
ur really disgusting..
dont send me anything~ ok?
bye ) Now I guess I had wink to hard on him or was there something on my face or maybe the angel was guarding me with a mean face>>haha
But I reply back to him (I don't think our personality match)
As for me its no big deal I will just send out winks when I read people profiles and if they don't like it TOUGH..
LIFE GOES ON
ren
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Joke 3
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Mar 24, 2005 5:31 pm
1951 Views
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If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick. My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood!
Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course. I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when was the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter . . . . my radiator leaks!
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<<<What I want in a Man>>> Joke 2
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Mar 20, 2005 1:54 pm
2276 Views
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What I Want in a Man, Original List:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer thing
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7 Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.
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HAWAII GTG June 2005
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Mar 14, 2005 4:35 pm
1759 Views
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Need to find out how many KFF people are interested in the GTG in honolulu. I need to get counts of commitment before I reserve the Hotel and other arrangements.
Please let me know by the end of this month (march)
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jokes
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Mar 12, 2005 3:56 pm
1786 Views
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Two little old ladies were attending a rather long service at their church.
One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep."
Her friend leaned over and said, "I know. I heard it snore three times."
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